Tuesday, November 16, 2010

And a One, and a Two, and a Three

First timer, newbie, that is the extent of my computer literacy,... except for the help I get at SupportSquad.  Am over fear of clicking on buttons, but if I have a doubt, I call.  I call them my granddaughters and grandsons, respectful ones, helping oldie but goodie overcome fear, and get online. 

So here it is, three months later, I have been  enjoying more than solitaire and mahjong, since I got my geeks.  I want to find  a more polite word than geeks  When they can come online and take over, I feel like I am four years old again and grandmother gave me some pie dough. I follow her on my space on the floor, rolling out my dough, on a white square on the kitchen linoleum tiled floor.  These were about foot square tiles, so my square was adequate to the small amount of dough she gave me.  Always she put blue food die in it to remind me not to eat it, and get worms, i.e. pin worms.   OK, back on subject, which was what???????

First, I need to remember to keep a large font so I can read and proof.  I am happy the background is green, because my eyes get exhausted from light coming off background.  Still, light is coming into my eyes from space outside text window.  Wish I could cut that light down.  I will ask in help. 

So, about today.  I voted!  Was afraid I wouldn't be able to make it there and back on foot.  I took a cane, in case, and needed it halfway there, as my left knee started to feel like it would go, i.e., not get nerve signal.  So I have to remember how to use cane to take weight of left leg.  Of course, the slower I go the more my spinal chord tires.  I pick time of day when I won't have to stand in line, because standing still, in line, makes spinal nerve give out.   I must be like an elephant, constantly moving. No line, so I am in an out, and on my way home, but my neck starts giving same signal as my legs do when nerve gives out, and my head drops.  This is new.  I knew I would be exhausted when I got home, drooping, and I was and am.  Such is the nature of my demilination. 

 On the way back I see the home of a neighbor has trees cut down in front.  I have not walked down street in a year and a half.  A new porch has been added.  I see someone gardening in back yard.  A white shepherd/lab mix dog comes out open fence gate, and I ask the gardener if I can approach.  I ask if he lived there.  Yes.  I say I used to know former owners, and he clarifies that he is their son, and they are both still alive and well, but he had moved in, and upgraded as his father is 88.  I am relieved to hear this, and just then they come out, on their way to vote as well.  We hugged, quickly updated each other.  None of us are out walking dogs, so we don't see each other.  

Their son, Bill, Jr., and I walk thru garden he has put in, lots of raised beds, even an asparagus bed!  His parents had pure landscaping, but the son is using huge backyard for great garden.  Lots of Kale, sweet potatoes, and getting ready to plant small fig.  He has blackberries, and blueberries, too.  A garden for fairy tale creatures to come alive, I say.  At which point, he goes in house and brings out a black and white rabbit his dog had brought home wild, but is now tame.  Puts rabbit into cabbage patch.  The magical back yard!

He says his parents have been buying new furniture like they had a new home.  We go inside, and I see it is now hardwood floors, better for mobility in future when his parents need motorized assistance  I like new furniture.  Good upholstery, and open at the bottoms, not boxed in, i.e. light and air flow.  We went onto the new front porch, and he had done it very well, said his Dad had really been enjoying it, and I could see why.  And the sidewalk will be paved, etc., lots of landscape insight in Bill, Jr.  We part ways so he can make hay while the sun shines in the back garden, and my back is giving out. 

When I get home, I have to curl-up to rest my spine.  I am exhausted, and just like my computer, when I the charge plug falls out, I shut down, and my spine rests as all systems shut down.  This is why I now hybernate and have for the last year.  If I have to shut down and I am out somewhere, people call ambulances, and won't shut up with their advice, and exhaust me further.  People will not leave an old woman on the street to recover.  I need to start carrying a fan or something to flutter and become Blanch DeBois, from Streetcar Named Desire.  But, I need my hands free for balance, so that won't work.  When I dropped at the apartment next door later, after resting, Don said, as I was leaving, "You look like a bag lady."  That should have been the name of this blog, or something like it.  Anyway, I called back, "That's 'Vintage Bag Lady' to you, young man."

Yes, I have to have a hat on to keep the sun out of my eyes, as I go blind, and somehow, that starts the spine thing, like they are related. And I have weird sunglasses on to block the glare from all angles.  So, 'Vintage Bag Lady" it is.  And, yes, without being aware, my gait changes, and people in passing me, ask me if I am all right.  I don't realize I am slowing down.  Well, its been 18 months since I have been outside to do anything but drive to the MacDonald's, as I am afraid of collapsing in the grocery store.  After all, I am afraid of looking up at things on shelves, and standing still studying a label. Standing still and looking up will take me down 100% of the time.  Then I loose control of my voice volume, my system shutting down, and on pure adrenaline.  Special Forces soldiers recognize the symptoms, but I can't get anything across to my family.  I remember the Billie Holliday song, "Hush now, Don't Explain."  { Search for Billie Holliday, Don't Explain - I can't figure out how to copy a link right now}Then I turn away and leave.  This is my code to myself.  Explaining is exhausting expecially when you keep getting questions from people with no insight, or think you are 'confabulating'.  "Hush now, Don't Explain."I am indeed a Vintage Bag Lady.http://s0.ilike.com/play#Billie+Holiday:Don%27t+Explain:96720:s16313.10392678.17979780.0.2.10%2Cstd_283d5a9bfdf14075910d1e106f3096c9

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