Saturday, December 29, 2012

The Effing Microwave

First, notice I did not add the word oven.  That is because I didn't say it.  Besides, ovens are good things.  Thank God that even in my rage I did not disparage a good thing.

That damn thing.  This rage must be bled off.  I am throwing flames at the mere mention of it, and it still hasn't been carted out to the dumpster, so it ain't over yet.  But in the interest of bleeding this off for the New Year, this has to be written.  Plus, I am doing a service to the visually challenged everywhere.

Now, there is a warranty phone number that I called two weeks ago, and I went thru the trouble shooting before, and on line, and there still is hope that my sister will get her money back.  But, ONLY IF SHE OBEYS ME.  And yes, WALMART is involved.

First things first.  Get your visually challenged and elderly the kind of microwaves with the dials if they ask.  Do not assume you know anything about the challenged ones needs or ways.  And, those specialty buttons, well they are nice if you already know how to use them. I guess, and if you have children or distracted people who eat popcorn.  BUT we visually challenged need the dials.

Don't assume we don't know what to do with a microwave.  I have the original book written on the microwave by the first researcher.  I don't have fears about microwaves or heart pace maker.  But, I know not to discuss the microwave with people who have issues.  JUST DROP IT.

I am hoping to be able to DROP IT soon, but right now I am revving up in true Tantric Style.  (Just like I did with all those cheap phones that came out 30 years ago when people abandoned the old A T & T phones.  On those, I went to the top of the sand dune and wound it up  on its coiled cord and my neighbors sighted me and went out and did the same thing.  It was glorious.  You circle them overhead and then you whack them against a hard object and fall in the sand.  DO NOT TAKE DOWN THE SAND FENCE!  Frequently, these types of events are followed by gentle care-taking of environmental features and everyone chips in if they have been a part of it.  Those coiled cords were good for emergency leashes and toys for dogs, too!)

That damn microwave.  Now, there is nothing wrong with a microwave, but my poor grandmother was made to feel stupid for about a second when she blew three in a row.  Then grandfather read the instructions and one found a permanent home in the kitchen 'for others to use.'  I am sure there were many of these 'happenings.'  I just tried to melt one of those foil-wrapped butter pats in the office microwave, and it kept staying frozen.  And at Thanksgiving Aunt Myrtle had one propped up, and it had been praised by her husband as fast, so he went off hunting, and we put the green beans in a deep stainless steel bowl and kept checking.  We had mucho to do.  We thought we were saving space for another burner on the stove, people were coming and going, and with each new entry of adult female we were deciding who could mimic a newborn baby's cry the best.  Of course, it was Aunt Myrtle.  Thank god the great granddaddy couldn't hear well and was on the stoop snagging grandchildren who wanted to look at his bespoke Cadillac.

BACK TO THE EFFING ONE:  I didn't want it.  I had a small one with the dials.  I told her I had been thru it while taking care of my dying friend and he was cranky and I was cranky and apologizing.  I couldn't read them, couldn't see the lights.  And they were a PTSD issue for me.

Imagine when I got to my new digs and there was the EFFING ONE taking up the whole counter.  I deflated, felt truly hopeless.  It was just like the wasted time at the local hospital when the emergency room didn't listen, and the x-ray blanket was thrown across my chest, just where I had told the resident I was hurt.  The technician said she would check with the person, and yet she came back and proceeded and everything to do with that hospital became hopeless.  And many others have verified it since.  Always saying "Don't quote me on this as I will deny it!"  My first time hearing that expression, but it kept coming back at me from individuals who are not allowed to speak ill of their institution without a suit being filed.  Anyway, total loss of hope is real and it is a killer and roams the hallways of a certain hospital, and can happen other places, especially with those trying to be helpful, even, like my sister.

I used the foam tray that held the glass insert as a tray and it is still around somewhere.  My nephew took the box away and put it in the dumpster after a week, and this was as the result of a family pow-wow, because I still had access to the old apartment, although I was growing weak, and still they didn't trust me.  Further, even my hale and helpful nephew told his daughter that I didn't appreciate anything.  This statement by him to my 4 year old niece was and is the main thing I told my sister that would rebound on me forever and it will.  So, remember as we wind down here, that the Effing one, and the cabinet which was painted instead of just being cleaned, were responsible for me having lost all contact with anyone I even had hope of enjoying in my years of dotage.

So, it is the Christmas Season and many issues come up and my sister works, and many other really serious things happen to those around her, and she is four hours away, and has no time to to get Wal-mart to print out the receipt, even though she has found the transaction on her charge card, and the sixty-day warrantee is up in one day. "Oh," she says, "I know the Wal-Mart regional manager."  "Oh, I tell her, so you want to get some poor functionary fired here and there.  This can not be handled without the paper work and the appliance, and they won't print it out at her Wal-Mart, and they will call out the SWAT team on me at mine at this point.  So, I tell her, LET'S FLUSH THIS WHOLE SORDID THING.

Well, there still is the fact that the man at the warranty number wrote down and gave a case number to this issue.  It is the weekend, and Monday is New Year's Even, and my sister has a wedding Saturday, and who knows what's on for New Year's, and then she is coming up here ....Jeese...If only I had that receipt copy so then 'the warranty process could proceed."  I understand why they don't even go beyond that on the phone and keep on repeating the phrase, because it is absolutely necessary to have that stuff for the functionary on the phone to fill-in the blanks on the form.  And, granted, most people don't have these exigent circumstances, so we can't say it is a total plot, but it is an issue when one is trying to help the handicapped, and you live in another city.

So, the issue is, at this point, AM I GOING TO RESTRAIN MYSELF and not mention it until after New Years?  Will a receipt and a case number be of any avail at the phone warranty number for that brand?  I am a warrior.  Many have told me such.  Am I going to give up on my nature?  My professor 30 years ago said I was a warrior, a Kasitrya, a miss-spelled word from the Mahabarrata, an Indian Masterpiece and Cultural Reference on all things involving action and inaction.  Also, a Buddist Monk in D.C. said the same thing to me, when I said after a demonstration meditation when I had forgotten everything and had asked what did it mean when during the whole meditation I was in a handball court and hitting balls coming off the walls.  He said I was a warrior.  I think I must be.  I think I can not fight my nature.  I think this adventure will continue but with a small addendum.  We will see.