My friend and neighbor died the tenth of this month. I can't believe it has been two weeks. Maybe it hasn't, I've lost touch with a lot of things.
This past Wednesday, I watched a show we watched together for the last two or three years, Survivor. And then I watched the other shows that came on afterwards, or rather they were on in the background.
The day he died, a girl was visiting new next door neighbor, and she was 'home alone' and came out, and we started working in the garden. Turns out she has taken landscaping, not so much horticultural, as drainage, water landscaping, out in California. So we went back and forth moving things in the small 6 x 4 ft plot. There were miniature roses left behind in small hanging containers by a family temporarily here, and used to make them feel at home before he either deployed, or was injured. Of the ten, four lived, and found homes (roses, I am speaking of). Actually I now have to separate the roses more or else pull the yarrow elsewhere. Roses need air flow and to not be crowded.
She did a lovely job, and we rambled from topic to topic. I don't think she necessarily would have shared some of the things she did if she hadn't felt like I would hear. Thank god she wasn't so overly sensitive that she allowed me to clarify. It was a day long affair of gardening, eating, smoking, etc. And, she was perfect for a couple of hats I had that she loved. She loved the Vagabond one, and I knew no one whose hair color was more perfect, or had that gamin look. Oh, and she loves cornflower blue, so off went that shawl, a coffee cup, and something else. I love it, too, but when you have too much of what you love, it is great finding another home.
There is a lot more I could say about the day, and what I heard, and I know it was as 'bad as it gets' for her. My friend that died had just such an extensive trauma, different, but defining to the personality, and yet with such ways of caring and grace that I know he brought with him from his hometown in western Pennsylvania. His suffering is over as they say. There is more I could say about the hospice worker who arrived in the morning, and what happened, and I will say I was awaken by pounding on the door to arrive with a trio of people who had all arrived, and me with no coffee, and two hours sleep, and it was a 'blow your mind' experience. I backed right out of there.
But I have been coming and going on limited gas, controlling myself tightly, a list and an itinerary, a reason to be away. But today I realized how much stress there had been having him see me come and go and knowing he could not go anywhere. I checked constantly, and made what I could. We had spent the last two Thanksgivings and Christmases together. They came out surprisingly well, but that whole experience needs its own blog.
So, less guilty about coming and going, and it wasn't him that put that on me. I just know I am free. And because the weather was good, I am grateful for getting the garden set up, as I can't do it after April 1. Too hot for me and my multiple schlerosis. I will enjoy the moonflowers this year, to some extent, although my sense of smell hasn't totally come back. The Amarylis are popping up, and the pansy's have been moved to shade.
I borrowed a neighbors lopper and trimmed out those things that come over the sidewalk and could pierce either me, the little Hellion, or anyone else. I have to clean up the branches tomorrow. My neighbors love to see me work, leave the stuff in a pile, and talk about me until it is all cleaned up. They are turncoats all the way, but soon I will try to join up with the MS group, have other people to talk to, and I will just come and go and nod to the 'noodniks,' as my father would have said. I need to look up that word now that the computer is back on.
And, a beautiful piece of music to listen to, An Accordion and Duduk on YouTube. Here is link. I don't know how to embed. They are having a fine time making beautiful music. Click Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cApCiyde0No&feature=related
This past Wednesday, I watched a show we watched together for the last two or three years, Survivor. And then I watched the other shows that came on afterwards, or rather they were on in the background.
The day he died, a girl was visiting new next door neighbor, and she was 'home alone' and came out, and we started working in the garden. Turns out she has taken landscaping, not so much horticultural, as drainage, water landscaping, out in California. So we went back and forth moving things in the small 6 x 4 ft plot. There were miniature roses left behind in small hanging containers by a family temporarily here, and used to make them feel at home before he either deployed, or was injured. Of the ten, four lived, and found homes (roses, I am speaking of). Actually I now have to separate the roses more or else pull the yarrow elsewhere. Roses need air flow and to not be crowded.
She did a lovely job, and we rambled from topic to topic. I don't think she necessarily would have shared some of the things she did if she hadn't felt like I would hear. Thank god she wasn't so overly sensitive that she allowed me to clarify. It was a day long affair of gardening, eating, smoking, etc. And, she was perfect for a couple of hats I had that she loved. She loved the Vagabond one, and I knew no one whose hair color was more perfect, or had that gamin look. Oh, and she loves cornflower blue, so off went that shawl, a coffee cup, and something else. I love it, too, but when you have too much of what you love, it is great finding another home.
There is a lot more I could say about the day, and what I heard, and I know it was as 'bad as it gets' for her. My friend that died had just such an extensive trauma, different, but defining to the personality, and yet with such ways of caring and grace that I know he brought with him from his hometown in western Pennsylvania. His suffering is over as they say. There is more I could say about the hospice worker who arrived in the morning, and what happened, and I will say I was awaken by pounding on the door to arrive with a trio of people who had all arrived, and me with no coffee, and two hours sleep, and it was a 'blow your mind' experience. I backed right out of there.
But I have been coming and going on limited gas, controlling myself tightly, a list and an itinerary, a reason to be away. But today I realized how much stress there had been having him see me come and go and knowing he could not go anywhere. I checked constantly, and made what I could. We had spent the last two Thanksgivings and Christmases together. They came out surprisingly well, but that whole experience needs its own blog.
So, less guilty about coming and going, and it wasn't him that put that on me. I just know I am free. And because the weather was good, I am grateful for getting the garden set up, as I can't do it after April 1. Too hot for me and my multiple schlerosis. I will enjoy the moonflowers this year, to some extent, although my sense of smell hasn't totally come back. The Amarylis are popping up, and the pansy's have been moved to shade.
I borrowed a neighbors lopper and trimmed out those things that come over the sidewalk and could pierce either me, the little Hellion, or anyone else. I have to clean up the branches tomorrow. My neighbors love to see me work, leave the stuff in a pile, and talk about me until it is all cleaned up. They are turncoats all the way, but soon I will try to join up with the MS group, have other people to talk to, and I will just come and go and nod to the 'noodniks,' as my father would have said. I need to look up that word now that the computer is back on.
And, a beautiful piece of music to listen to, An Accordion and Duduk on YouTube. Here is link. I don't know how to embed. They are having a fine time making beautiful music. Click Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cApCiyde0No&feature=related
I wanted to thank you for stopping by to read my blog and for the thoughtful comments you left for me. I'm so sorry it's taken so long for a reciprocal visit. When I received your comments we'd taken a short break from early spring duties for some sunshine and lazing about in Florida, traveling with only my cell phone, but, finally, here I am, about to head to your first post ... thanks again, z
ReplyDeleteHi, I have had the phone off and was away from the domecile all day, after making progress clearing the deck, I did a dry run to locate a Church where a funeral for a young 101st Airborne soldier will be held tomorrow. It was beautiful out. Very emotional, and I think I will only attend the final phase at the Veterans Cemetery.
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